Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
