my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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