She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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