At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
