Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
