my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
