Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
