remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
