i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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