I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
