I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
