If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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