I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we made out on top of his cat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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