also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
