...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
