Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So squirting runs in the family.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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