; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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