R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
