We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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