I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
