What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
