I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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