i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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