I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
