guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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