I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I currently don't understand fingers.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
