Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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