I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
