You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
