I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My penis needs a shock collar
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
