My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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