Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
