No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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