It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
