His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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