1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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