I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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