I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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