what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
