Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
