he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We need to get me chipped asap
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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