Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
