Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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