I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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