hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
