Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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