Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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