you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
