Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
