OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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