i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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