i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
