I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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