So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
