this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
