you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My vagina just clenched in fear
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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