just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
