woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
