She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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