Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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