dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
