Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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