Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
