tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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