NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
