Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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