called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
