I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
