I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
