His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
